Celeste’s Toilet Tale

So far I have been able to avoid use of the Japanese squat toilet as there seem to be quite a number of Western style public toilets available wherever we have been touring. (touch wood)

However, my experience with one of the super deluxe Western style toilets did not go as well as expected. We had stopped for tea and a snack at an upscale bakery/café. Never wanting to miss the opportunity for a bathroom break I ventured to find the Ladies room. I found the room – there was only one toilet and it was one of the super deluxe toilets I had heard about. I thought, what the heck I’ll probably never have another opportunity, so I sat down – ooh, a heated seat. Felt kind of odd - all cushy and warm. Beside the toilet was a small control panel with about six push buttons with small Japanese writing and drawings underneath each. How hard could this be? I pushed the first button with a picture of a bum and a water spray – whoosh. Yikes, that felt freaky so I pushed the button again thinking this was how to turn it off. It just sprayed harder. Oops. I tried the second button with a picture of a bum with wavy lines underneath – that must be the drier I reasoned – that should turn off the sprayer. Nope – it just started another sprayer. Oh no – what have I done. The toilet is filling with water and I didn’t know how to stop it. I couldn’t stand up or get off or it would spray my clothes and I’ll get wet. Don’t panic – it’s not rocket science I told myself. Oh oh - the water is coming pretty fast – better flush. The next button looked like a flusher so I pushed it. I heard a flush but nothing happened. Don’t panic – push it again. Still nothing. Then I remembered Carla telling me that these fancy toilets have a button that makes the sound of a flushing toilet supposedly to mask any embarrassing sounds but not actually use any water. So where is the real flusher? I looked behind me and found a regular handle to flush. Great – it worked – at least now the toilet wouldn’t overflow but I’m still getting sprayed and I can’t get up. I’m trapped until I figure this out – or maybe Carla could help. Should I embarrass myself and call out for help? What if she couldn’t hear me and then I realized even if she could hear me what could she do - I couldn’t reach the door lock from where I was sitting without getting up and getting sprayed. Don’t panic, don’t panic. The water kept coming. The next button had a picture of a bum with more lines underneath but I had no idea what it meant - I didn’t dare try. I had to use reason – this is ridiculous – don’t panic. If these buttons didn’t work as “push once for on, push again for off” or pushing one button didn’t cancel another button - there must be a master switch to turn off the entire toilet. Hmm - better flush again – just in case. Then I spotted another button - on the top of the control panel. It had no picture but it was orange so that looked promising - worth a try. Halleluiah - it worked! The spraying stopped. Whew - what a relief - I didn’t want to spend the rest of the day sitting there getting my bottom sprayed while flushing the toilet. I never did figure out any of the other buttons or which one was the dryer - I was through experimenting. The whole experience maybe only lasted a few minutes - but it felt like an eternity.

Lesson learned – don’t start anything you don’t know how to stop – especially if the directions are in Japanese!